Life surprises us with different situations in which we often don’t know how to deal, what to feel, and how to express what is happening in our inner world. Which can affect our mood, as well as our interpersonal relationships.
On the one hand, we can disconnect from our needs, letting others make decisions for us, or being vulnerable to demanding people who do not respect our space. On the other hand, you may have impulsive behavior, or get stuck in an overwhelming emotional state that you have a hard time getting out of.
Studying ourselves will be an important step to learn and develop what we need to do to generate change.
4 steps to identify and express your emotional needs:
1. Learn to connect with emotion:
Approach the situation that generates discomfort, from curiosity, without trying to change, just observe, in any field; family, partner, work. Example; distant partner/demanding parents…
2. Examine emotions: You can ask yourself questions, such as;
If you had one feeling right now, what would it be?
If you had one thought about this situation, what would it be?
What could you say about what is happening?
3. Explore the intensity: You can use a scale from 0 to 10.
If the emotion is very intense: Identify if the experience is influenced by past situations. Differentiate if I am seeing the situation from a current/adult perspective, or from a past unresolved hurt.
If it is difficult for you to connect the emotion: Identify a real or imaginary person who presents the emotional characteristics that you would like to develop.
4. Action plan:
Study possible answers to express what you feel from the most comfortable for you, to the strongest, such as;
When such a thing happens… I feel… then I would like what….
When such a thing happens… I feel… I hope it doesn’t happen again
if the situation doesn’t change I’ll have to…
(Continues creating more alternatives)
Create agreements with your loved ones: Put into words what is happening inside you, and not take it for granted that others know it, explaining, for example:
